Hi,Its Mel here, or Cheeky311 as you would all know me! It’s kind of hard to think what happened to finally bring you here in life! Mum always said it is the journey and not the destination, but I will tell you, it has been long damn journey!
As a kid, every photo I was in nickers or naked, with my hands down the front or back of my pants, or up my nose! The first word I learnt was get and there are various photos of me pointing at my mother saying this very word! I would always get in trouble for throwing dry dog poo on the neighbours tin roof! I was never a girly girl, I hated Barbie, and really should have been a boy! I was a child of the 70's and it was a really beautiful carefree time of my life on the back of motor bikes and going to the beach with my mum in the kombi. We would dress the same and they are memories that I totally treasure!
I was the first grandchild on my mother’s side, and hence the most spoilt! My mother was very young and I grew up a lot with my nan, who along with my mother are the most amazing, wonderful woman I know! I would not have the strength I have today without them! Both my grandmother and I are fanatical about animals, I got it from her, and sometimes I have to convince myself she loves me more than the cat! I lost my beautiful mare Hannah to colic and now have a beautiful big warm-blooded mare Cheeky, and my most faithful dogs, Maddie and Henry who never leave my side. My nan would always come with me when I rode my horses or to shows. And besides all of my horses and my dogs, the other love of my life is my gorgeous fiancé Warren, who I believe is the most admirable man on this earth! We share a love of motor bikes together.
I put myself through uni, because we were pretty broke. I became an accountant, and now have a very good job as a tax manager for a top 10 blue chip in Australia. I've bought several properties, and done a bit of travel. I was on schedule all the way up until my 30's on how my life was to progress. Then I hit 30, time to meet a guy, get married and have kids! Perfect!
Well, Mother Nature had other plans! After a misdiagnosis and a story in itself, I had a brain tumour that dilapidated me into a wheel chair. My mum and I blew my credit card and had a ball, thinking I may never return. I had no hair, nails, grew face and back hair (beautiful), shook, slurred and lost all my muscles until my body could no longer hold itself up and I was jelly in a wheelchair! I was like a junky on speed with adrenalin levels of 6000, the normal is 350. I lost my job, my insurance payout of $100k excluded my type of tumour and I ended back in Sydney trying to get a job so I did not lose my home, and I had to try and hide I was in serious recovery. I was told to have a year off, I had 3 weeks, and would take off in the middle of the day to lay in the park just to get a bit of rest.
I finally got over that, its 4 years later, and although I sleep a lot, can’t do half of what I use to and have to hold rails to get up and down stairs, I’m healthy! I now work 9-5, not 8-10 at night, I don’t worry about bills, and I enjoy every day as much as I can like it is the last and I take nothing for granted! I no longer care about the extra 10 kgs I carry, my saggy boobs, and love to feel the rain on my face!
Among all of this I met Warren, I was over men at the time, and he rode bikes, so I thought he would be a good riding companion. He had 3 kids, looked like a football thug, 10 years older than me, took me to macca's on our first date and chatted to my breasts for the whole time! I never thought I would like him, and we have not been apart since!
So how did I end up here? Warren had a vasectomy 17 years ago, so we are on IVF. Last November after a successful IVF transfer, I was told at 12 weeks my baby had T18. I thought after the tumour, I could handle everything; again Mother Nature knocked me flat! I have had a frozen cycle that resulted in nothing since then, and another live cycle with no success. I miss all 3 of them. It is now May 2008 and I have an embryo left, but not optimistic!
I have cried the tears you have all cried, had my dreams crushed like yours, been to that same dark hole all of you have been to, and felt that never ending sickness that never goes. My dream is to have one child, just one, one that lives and is healthy that I can take to the pony club on their pony! If that dream comes true I will leave this earth the happiest woman in the world! I have my friends, and family, but no one has helped me through this like all of you! This has been the most emotional roller coaster of my life, the hugest test of strength, and I would not be where I am today had it not been for all of you. There are no amount of words that can thank you all for what you have done.
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