SGE T18 MOMS

Hi, my name is Cindy (aka CMAHERAS on Trisomy18.org).

The photo on the left is a photo of Ron & I back in March 2008. This was a happy time for us, enjoying our pregnancy, looking forward to our new baby, looking a little plump and visiting with family on this particular weekend. It was one of our most happiest weekends as we anticipated what things were going to be like in the near future with our new addition to the family!

On the right is my birthday celebration with family & friends, and our baby Jesse in my tummy before the devestating news.

Here is our story...

On Christmas day of 2007, Ron had brought me a small box that his family had sent me from Iowa. I opened the box and it was an ornament of snow baby holding a strand of stars above it's head. I immediately laughed and said, "You know what this is don't you? This is the fertility angel." We joked about it some more and I proceeded to hang it on the tree. Unknowingly that same day, Christmas day, our baby Jesse was conceived. By the end of January, we were completely surprised to find out I was pregnant. I was 40, and Ron was 45. We both had 2 children from our previous marriages, and hadn't planned on having any more children. We figured our next chapter in life would be enjoying grandchildren one day. We were a little paniced at first, but loving children as much as we do, realized what a wonderful blessing this was and were so looking forward to being parents again! We already new how strong and wonderful our relationship was, and what an even more wonderful had now happened to us!

We attended our first doctors appointment in February, and even after having our 1st ultrasound and seeing our precious baby, we were still in shock but happy as ever! I think the nurses must have laughing at us, we must have been acting like 2 nervous teenagers. I expressed my concerns to my doctor about having a baby at my age, and she assured me that there was nothing to be concerned about. For as we all know, many women these days have babies in their 40's. Plus, I was extremely healthy and had never had any complications with my pregnancies before.

Weeks passed and our excitement grew! I felt incredibly great! Better than my previous pregnancies. The night before Easter, Ron took me out for a wonderful dinner to celebrate my birthday which was the day after Easter on March 24th, and officially proposed to me with a Ring. It was one of the most beautiful moments, for he was so genuine & sincere. The ring he had chosen for me has 3 diamonds in a row, and he explained to me that there was one to represent each us: me, him & our new baby! We couldn't have been any happier at that moment! We felt on top of the world! We had so much!. We had both finally found ourselves in a very happy relationship with eachother, both entrepeneurs, living comfortably, and now looking forward to our new life with our new baby! Our new family!

A few days later, I received a call from our doctor. She told me that one of my blood tests showed a high risk for "something or other". I had never heard the name of what she was talking about (Trisomy 18) and thought whatever it was it couldn't be happening to me. Ron & I both had healthy children, healthy families, etc.... I cried when I received the call, but Ron & I both thought it must just be something they are taking extra precaution about. We went away for the weekend as if everything was fine, but had scheduled an appointment with our doctor for that following Monday, to clearify what it was that phone call meant. When he explained the possibility of what we were facing and that my results came back 1:5, I knew at that moment it wasn't good. We left the office in tears and sat in the parking lot for atleast an hour before returning home to my 2 girls. I was frozen with devestation, couldn't function. This couldn't be happening. We agreed to an amnio. Ron was trying to keep positive as we prayed everyday. He was confident that everything was going to be allright. Our baby looked perfect on all of her ultrasounds. Even at 16 weeks on the day of the amnio. No signs of any abnormalities. Boy, we felt confident!

A week & 1/2 later I woke up to the enjoyment of feeling our baby moving and feeling wonderful. I called Ron and told him how happy I was and thanked him for the opportunity to experience all this again! 2 hours later, the phone rang, the doctor confirmed the results. This nightmare had come true. Our baby had full Trisomy 18. I screamed and pounded on my desk! I called Ron, and you all know the emotions that follow. As hard as it was, we knew what we had to do. We would not let our baby girl suffer.

We checked into the hospital on the night of April 23rd. My waterbroke by 2:00am the next morning. We thought our baby Jesse would come soon. She wasn't born until the next morning, Friday, at 5:13am. It was long & hard, but I would go through what I did 10 more times to save her from any suffering.

We had the most beautiful memorial for her 2 weeks later, the day before Mother's day. This has put us on the path of closure and healing. Through all of this we had the most outstanding amount of love and support from our family, friends, priests, doctors & hospital staff. We are at peace now knowing she is in a better place, and that we made a parental decision to save our baby girl from any suffering. We have beautiful photos & momentos to remember her by. Having been conceived on Christmas day, we know of course that she was only meant to be an Angel. Our guardian Angel that will be watching over us everyday!

My 2 girls (ages 14 & 6), and his 2 children (son 23, daughter 18) are what help to keep us going, and the love that we all have for eachother. I am so gratefull for them! And so grateful for the incredible relationship that Ron & I have. He has been my ROCK through all this. Never have I experienced so much love & compassion before. He is truley incredible! We still look forward to family life, though it will not be with our baby Jesse. Her presence though will always be with us.