Introduction (jestes0035)

As an introduction, let me start with Kate's story. My sister was married in June of 2007 and we found out soon after that we were expecting (this was our 3rd pregnancy - my first ended in miscarriage at 10 weeks - around the same time my grandmother was diagnosed with a rapidly progressing form of stomach cancer). My due date was Feb 26, 2008. My husband and I wanted to find out what we were having and had our routine ultrasound scheduled for October 8th. I had a nuchal translucency screening done at 11 weeks - it was low risk, and then had an AFP done - it showed no abnormalities. We went in to have the ultrasound (we took our toddler thinking that we wanted to include him) and what should have been a 20 minute visit soon turned into 45. When the doctor and the ultrasound nurse weren't talking I finally asked what was wrong - what did they see. I'm a nurse practitioner and I knew that there was a problem. It was then that they told me that they suspected a omphalocele, agenesis of the corpus callosum, and rocker bottom feel. They also referred me for a level II and an amnio. We live in a rural area and by the time that we could get into a level II US, 2 weeks had passed, this put me at 22 weeks. We then had the US and were told it was indeed an omphalocele but that they could see the corpus callosum markers - they also mentioned a hand posturing. They were very positive and we left feeling good. That was a Friday - On Monday our FISH cam back positive for t18. Given the research I had done on full t18 - I knew that the baby's odds were limited - no one in our area would repair an omphalocele on a t18 baby. I looked at our options. Unfortunatey one of them was a Women's Surgical Center AKA abortion clinic. We were seriously mislead and the physician there had no intention of allowing me a D&E they simply charged me the money for another ultrasound (when I'd already have a level II confirming my dates). We came home (it was a 3 hour trip north) and waited for our induction schedule and a hospital 3 hours south. I went in on a Friday and gave birth after 36 hours on Sunday morning.
The baby had even more defects than we realized. In the 6 months that have passed - I have thought about Kate every day. I'm the only one. My husband is a good man, but he has this ability to move on. I don't. Even my mom, who has always been my best friend, cannot talk about it - she gets too upset. We're now expecting another baby and I'm terrified. My 4th pregnancy in 3 years and my odds are not so good. On the other side, I have a little boy who turns 2 this month and he's the reason I get up every morning. I know I would not have survived this without him. He's been my saving grace. I always though my faith was strong - but this has battered far worse than I care to admit. I find myself scared to even have hope of a happy outcome.